…comments from the editor..: With one tweet, the Lower Ten season is over. But not for the last word of the Power 5 like Kansas, Arizona, Vanderbilt and Florida of the Big 12, the Pac-12 and even the mighty SEC].
Inspired thought for week
If you’re going to get rid of meI don’t have my hand for anythingHave to protect my eyes from the sunThat rises above the earthI’ll see you go Somehow I’ve got to let you goBecause this is the endBecause this is the end
— It’s over, Jimmy Rogers.
Here at the Bottom 10 headquarters, located behind the fan that cools Bill Connelly’s room with the Brainiac computers, we had trouble with the fact that it was mid-December and that there were still Bottom 10 regular season games to play in this very irregular season. Well, it was just a game. But the team that placed first was in this game, so this game was also the weak point of our whole Jenga puzzle game.
And then it was over. The season came to an abrupt end when the Datsun pickup with 300,000 miles on the clock on Monday afternoon in a tweet from Monroe, Louisiana.
The ULM football season finale in Troy is cancelled #ULMvsTroy #SunBeltFB https://t.co/PJczPcv3Nk.
– ULM football (@ULM_FB) 14 December 2020
We always call it Bottom 10 Shot, Heard Around the Word. It’s not a typo. Because if we have never been able to verify that it has indeed been heard in the world, we can say with one hundred percent certainty that it has been heard around the Word. Why is that? Because when we saw this tweet, we spit our Sankey on the keyboard, and he spent the next two hours typing the letter Q in Word before we could dry and cancel the key.
So here are the results of our emergency call for the top 10 selection committee on Tuesday afternoon. Full disclosure : Not all of our panelists’ votes were counted because Watson Brown had his webcam up to the ceiling, Jerry Glanville had accidentally muted the whole conversation and Charlie Weiss was interrupted by accountants calling to tell him that another ransom check had just arrived.
With apologies from James Monroe, Bill Hancock and Steve Harvey, here are the final top ten rankings for 2020.
1. ULM (pronounced ULM) 0-10
While you all praised Kane on the Great Ten secretly between Ohio State and Indianapolis and the ACC using his Go, collecting $200 Salary As You Pass room for Clemson and Notre Dame, the Warhawks made the best move to win the title. And by smooth movement, we mean trying to sneak in through the back door while nobody is looking. They fell from the fire escapes and jumped into the dust before anyone saw them, but later that night they saw each other on Mockingjay.
2. UMess (0-4)
We’ve had something very funny here, but we’ve just had a news blackout because UMass has filed a lawsuit against the Lower Ten. Why is that? The Commonwealth is furious because we used this global reference shot for a team other than the Minutemen.
3. Kansas Nyahawks (0-9)
Kansas finished the year 127th out of 127 active FBS teams in terms of points and 126th in terms of yards per game, yards per game and third place percentage. He is also 123rd for points, 113th for assists, 116th for points, 126th for yards allowed per match and 109th for yards allowed per match. The cancellation of an already postponed game against the University of Texas last week prevented the university from becoming the first team in college football history to lose 100 games in 10 years. I know people like to use those 100 emoticons to describe things that are great, but if you show Les Miles something that 100 says right now, he might try hitting you in the face with his hat.
4. Cooking green in Northern Illinois (0-5/0-6)
In Kook Green, the season finale with Ohio State’s My Hammie was cancelled, while the University of East Michigan’s Emus in what should have been the season finale of the Pillow Fight before the Emus won the competition the week before. Consequently, these MACtion brothers will be obliged to share this place. But everyone knows that the brothers can’t share anything, so the armrest of the backseat is folded between them and they are told to go home when they cross this line.
5. Flory du (8-2)
The season finale of the titillating fifth seed goes to a team that was ranked as the titillating sixth seed in the varsity football playoffs, but is now ranked as the not-so-stimulating seventh seed, not because of the audible, but because of the shoe-throw in the swamp.
6. unLv (0-6)
The Fightin’ Tarks lost the final of their season against Hawaii 38-21 in a game that started at 11 pm. IT. They were ahead 21-0 at the start of the game, but managed to reduce the Warriors’ lead in the second half to two points. That shouldn’t come as a surprise. You can’t live in Vegas without knowing how to pack after midnight.
7. When I arrive in Arizona (0-5)
The Wildcats came in the standings a week ago. In the days that followed, they lost to their Arizona State rival 70-7, sacked coach Kevin Sumlin and cancelled the season finale against Cal because neither team had enough players to play. It’s the equivalent of Vince McMahon’s gift entering the arena… …when Vince stumbles over an extension cord and breaks his tooth.
8. Siberia (1-10)
After having used Sir Axus Orange for a season, last week I suddenly got complaints from some Syracuse alumni who told me that if I wanted to do well, I had to choose between Sad Apology or Sybericus. Учитывая, что когда я подавал заявление комиссии поступление в Сиракузы, я получил письмо из приемной то, в котором говорилось, на ЛО гигантских оранжевых письмах, к я должен прислушаться к советам тех, кто поступил в определенно. Besides, it’s just like all my bosses, so….
9. Vanderbilt Commodore Doors (0-9)
Vandy’s season finale against Georgia has been cancelled and officially. It should be noted that when the contest was planned, it was also officially announced as a no contest.
10. FI(non-A)U (0-5-4-2)
The battle for this last place was a tough one between two teams from Florida who didn’t play last weekend, but are still fighting for this place in the standings. The US(non C)F won its first game of the season against La Citadelle and then lost eight games in a row, two of which are still being postponed and will never be played. Meanwhile, the FI(not A)U remained without victory with five losses, four postponements and two cancellations. With a record of 0-5-4-2, which seems to be the best representation of the university football experience in 2020, the advantage goes to the Panthers. In other words, as far as the selection committee is concerned, this is what we saw in the eye test. And now that we’ve passed that eye test, we need to find one of those industrial eyewear stations.
Final waiting list: Hardened Owls (1-6), Duke Blowing Devils (2-9), UT State (1-5), Akronomius (1-5), USA (not C)F (1-8), Texas State Broncos (2-10), any Big Ten team that is not OSU, IU, Northwestern or Iowa, COVID-19.
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